Bully for you!

My husband’s favourite line to me of late is 'that's a blog, you should write about it'. Often it stems from me needing to talk through a concern about 

teaching and, despite not being a professional musician, he is an excellent sounding board and support to me.

This morning, on my last morning of the Christmas holidays, we were sitting in our sun-room with the wood stove fire glowing, looking out at the frozen lake while sipping our morning tea (me) and coffee (he). I had been re-reading Julia Cameron’s book 'The Artist’s Way', as well as her two subsequent books (now available in one large and heavy volume). I was reminded of one of the exercises from the first book that had really resonated with me. It was the one where you had to write about three people who had been less than supportive, or perhaps sabotaged you in your artistic growth.

I had no trouble with it at the time. The first person that came to mind was 

someone from when I was a graduate student. He was a bully and while I learned a tremendous amount from him , he definitely undermined my confidence and development. I survived him. I remember he would imitate me and make fun of me. It hurt and did not open me up but rather made me more self conscious.

The exercise in the book involves writing down what was said to you and then writing what you wish you had said at the time, or that you could now say with more maturity and perspective. It seemed like such a simple thing to do but it felt soooooooo good. I also applied it to the second less-than-supportive person that came to mind. Interestingly enough, it involved a personal relationship that I had at the same time. It worked beautifully for that too. 

Since then I have certainly met my share of bullies/saboteurs, many of them on the podium I regret to say. Sometimes bullies need simply to be answered, politely but firmly. I remember singing with the New York Philharmonic and the conductor was blatantly bullying one singer in particular. How I admired her resolve and her professionalism as she did her job with beauty and grace no matter what he did. Often time these bullies are simply mirroring behavior that was used on them to great effect ! The culprit that I dealt with at grad school was a former Marine…

Why not begin the New Year by de-powering those bullies of the past and/or present, looking at the other side and rejoicing in the champions of the present and future?